I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
