No stitches, just platelets and will power
I wish they made helmets for livers.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Randomize
