fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
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