Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Randomize
