it wasn't lemon gatorade
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
