Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize