I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
