i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
