So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
