I'm pants shitting drunk right now
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I am one with the molecules
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