YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
