She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
