Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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