u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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