you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
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