bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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