Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
