She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
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