The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
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