Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
