I wish life had little blips of pornography
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
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