there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
