he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Hippo gnu deer
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
