Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
