actually, I'm a sock model
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
