That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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