You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
