I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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