I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
zippers are such a cool invention
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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