you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
