my phone needs a breathalizer
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Randomize
