Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
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