6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Randomize
