she woke up with a sticky ear
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Randomize
