I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
