would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
