Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
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