can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
