Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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