don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
