This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
