I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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