Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Randomize
