At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize