At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
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