It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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