She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
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