and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Randomize
