he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize
