Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
3pm strippers are depressing
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
