i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
