i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Randomize
