just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Randomize
