remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
