Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Mom said you looked used
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
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