He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
I take back everything I said about communal showers
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Randomize
