there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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