I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Randomize
