she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize