wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
My vagina is officially offended.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Randomize
